the weather can read feelings

it's a cold, rainy and blustery day in london.

last night, as i was going to sleep, i was overcome with this huge sadness all of a sudden. i couldn't overcome it, and when i realized the date, it dawned on me. it was a year ago, today, that my heart broke. it's like my body has a timing mechanism and it wants to mark the anniversary of one of the most painful emotions i've ever felt.

heartbreak, i've learned, is not something to fear. i wouldn't wish it on anyone, of course, but for me, it has forced me to learn what i'm capable of, to step out of my comfort zone, to really find who i am, rather than what i am with someone else.

last year this whole season was a chaotic mess of hurt, anger, lies, and lots of tears. but instead of sitting here and sulking about what was and what could have been, i think it's time to appreciate how far i've come. so many nights of thinking and writing and confusion and bad dreams, several deep but pointless conversations, and one bad lapse in judgment. feeling alone in the busiest of places. faking a smile when i'm killing inside. pretending i'm in a bad mood because of work and not because i'm alone. so many awful feelings, and never thinking i could move on, yet i still sit here today, scarred, mended and really, truly happy with myself. experiencing heartbreak has taught me strength, truth, curiosity and the power of having really, really great people in my life. i hope that wherever he is, he can say the same, because even though he broke my heart, i wish him happiness. we loved each other, it was real and there's no denying that we are an important piece of each other's past. and its important to embrace your past.

i still can't shake the sadness, but i think it's time to relish it, because after this, it's time to move on.

i hope it's sunny tomorrow.